Satanick's Romantic Misfortunes That, Sometimes, Are Fortunate
by Ludella
Summary: The world was too large for one with such high rank as Satanick to be alone. And with so many worlds came so many more possibilities and points of interest.


"Why, Satanick, you're absolutely _delightful_!"

"Fufufufun, you're too kind! I should be praising you for being so cute!"

Ivlis had always thought that being Reficul's pet was as bad as it got. But now, kneeling before his god who was sitting on the lap of the other devil who enjoyed tormenting him, he was quickly reassessing his judgement.

Siralos held the handle of a leash in his hand, pulling on it constantly and laughing loudly each time Ivlis was jerked forward by the collar he wore. His other arm was wrapped around Satanick's shoulders, with the latter holding him close on his lap and staring up at him in glee. It was rather disgusting how much the devil was almost _drooling_ over a _god_, of all people!

"This is the best time I've had in ages," Siralos giggled, lifting the leash up so Ivlis had to struggle to breathe. "You're such a creative, _resourceful_ man, Satanick. I'm glad we have such similar interests!"

Satanick snickered at his words and leaned his head against the bright man's shoulder. "I'll bet our bodies are compatible too."

There was just a minute of silence where Siralos seemed to be thinking, examining the leash in his hands.

"Can we take him on a walk?"

"Any time you want?"

"And I can feed him?"

"To your heart's desire!"

The grin that had already set on Siralos's face slowly began to grow, not even looking at the man he was speaking to. His grip on the leash gave a harsh yank, and Ivlis knew he was in for trouble.

"Then I hope you like pillow talk."

* * *

"And you're from…?" Tatsumiya's voice raised along with her brow, making sure to keep her distance from the stranger before her, while also appearing mannered.

On the other hand, he was grinning widely, taking steps forward at every chance to try and close the gap between them. "It's foreign, you probably haven't heard of it! Ah, but maybe you'd like to see? I'm a big deal, I assure you. My castle is much nicer than this one!"

"Is that so…"

He showed up out of nowhere, strolling through the town with a dreamy look on his face. Seeing as demons weren't a very common occurrence in these parts (not necessarily unwelcome), Tatsumiya had gone to investigate the suspicious lurker who multiple villagers had already reported. Apparently he'd been trying to speak to just about every girl who passed by, and got a bit close to some of them.

"Like I was saying, sir, if you could state your business or be on your way…" she continued, trying to rid the problem as quickly as possible. This man was already making her uncomfortable with how… _excited_ he appeared.

"Oh, I'm just here to say hi to an old friend!" the demon reassured, waving his hand casually. "Though I'm not opposed to making new relations-are you single? There may be other fish in the sea, but I'm _really_ a catch-"

"Helica, please come and escort our guest out."

* * *

The island was home to Nagi once she had begun spending more time with her uncle. They didn't necessarily spend every moment of every day together, but enough where it could be taken he was her caretaker at this point. It was a bit of an odd position between both enjoying her uncle's company and understanding why he was so disliked on the island, thus she tended to lurk around the edges more than anything. Being an orca herself, she had less to worry about danger wise.

But that didn't mean she was safe from _all_ predators.

"Please stay away from me," she ordered, sinking halfway down into the water.

Standing on the ice, Satanick stared down at her, smile spread wide across his face in an attempt to appear friendly. "I haven't even gotten to say anything yet, though!"

"I don't like how you look. This is an orca danger zone."

"It's fine, it's fine, you're not that scary!"

If only that were the problem, she wanted to say. Nagi continued trying to pass off his advances, pointedly turned away from him as to not have to look at his face. There was something off about his grin and how he'd nearly started drooling upon first seeing her. As long as he wasn't entering the water, things would be fine…

"Orca? Little missy orca? Where'd you go?"

If only.

This guy was grossly persistent.

"Lovely miss orca! Have you gone out to swim? I can too, you know! Maybe I should join you…"

She could hear his voice getting louder as he neared the edge of the water she was wading in. Didn't he have anything better to do? Nagi waited below the water, watching as a foot began descending past the surface-

And was quickly brought back up upon being bitten.

"Thanks, old man," she greeted her uncle gratefully, delighted to see a swirl of red lingering in the water. It was impressive Idate hadn't completely dragged the man under to eat.

Idate shrugged, peeking up above the surface to make sure the hindrance had left before returning. "Of course. We wouldn't want him preying on any of the other girls here, either."

'As if you care about anyone besides _her_,' Nagi reserved herself from saying. At least the pest had been rid of.

* * *

Glasses should have known something was up when his father was acknowledging him. He _never_ took an interest in anything in his son's life, and when he was suddenly so persistent in hearing about his work and social life (albeit he zoned out most of the time while listening), it should have been blaring sirens.

There wasn't a demon in the world who wasn't aware of Satanick's tendencies and _hobbies_. His son, especially after having grown up in the same castle. He wasn't used to his father caring about him in any way shape or form ("Why couldn't you have been born a girl?!"), and didn't really feel anything but annoyance from it. There were even times the devil would deny even having a son, save for the times he came in handy for picking up girls.

When he moved out, he got a job, friends, and a wonderful girlfriend, all of which had done a good job of making up for the lack of a life he had living at home. Satanick had given no concern to anything he did afterwards. The only time he was in contact was if he needed something.

"You should send me some pictures of you and your girlfriend, I haven't seen you in forever!" was a little too friendly, and he wasn't sure why he had taken it with little question.

It felt like forever until he finally reached Kic's house. "Father! I demand you leave this place right now or-!"

"You're off early today, Glasses." Never had he been so relieved or confused to hear his girlfriend's calm voice. Kic sat in the middle of the living room on their couch, watching the TV before her without any concern for why her boyfriend appeared so worked up.

Glasses was panting from rushing to get there, unable to speak coherently. "Kic, you… you've _got_ to leave b-"

"Welcome home," she interrupted, standing to greet him at the doorway and bow politely.

...he wanted to believe she was taking this too lightly, but it was also a bit reassuring. Having lost his train of thought, Glasses hesitated, lowering his head before taking his shoes off at the door. "...I'm home. But that's not what I came here for-Kic, has any weird man come by here recently?!"

"You mean Father?" she asked while returning to the room, Glasses following after her. "He's in the kitchen."

The fact she confirmed he was here only made the situation more confusing, but like most things with Kic, Glasses figured he'd have to just see it to understand. On guard, he made his way to the designated room after her, ready to attack his parent if needed. And usually, it was. If he found he had touched a hair on her head, there was going to be-

He immediately stopped upon entering the room.

Sitting at the table was his dear father, tied to a chair with chains and a large… roll of ehomaki shoved into his mouth. He was struggling, eyes widening upon seeing his son as if Glasses had any intention to help him out of his current predicament.

"He came here drooling, so I fed him," Kic explained briefly. She was looking up at him as if there was nothing unusual about the situation at all, more concerned for her boyfriend who seemed to be having quite the crisis instead. When he didn't respond, she left his side briefly to grab a tray of similarly made sushi from the counter before returning to stand in front of him. "I made some for you too-would you like it?"

Glasses stared at the piece being offered to him with her chopsticks, then back to Satanick.

...he wasn't sure why he had ever underestimated his girlfriend in the first place.

"Say ahhh."

"Ahh…"

* * *

The Gray Garden was a gold mine.

From as far as the eye could see, cute girls and boys around were all that inhabited the world. He could really understand what everyone said about it-this place was _truly_ a paradise. It helped that it was peaceful as well, but that came second.

It wasn't as fortunate that he stuck out like a sore thumb among the villagers. It couldn't all be that simple, he supposed. And he could talk his way through anything if need be.

"Ah, excuse me, young girls!" he called out upon seeing a group of four children that hadn't completely struck him down yet. They did, however, appear very suspicious of him when approaching, and gossipped to one another before he approached.

"Can we help you…?" the brunette angel asked tentatively. Only one of them didn't seem afraid or wary of him, and that pink haired demon appeared… frightening in her own right.

Satanick shook it off. "I was wondering if any of you are l-"

"You look like you need to go to the castle," the blond angel interrupted him, earning a few nods of agreement by the rest of them.

"Huh? No, no, actually, I just need you to-"

"It's fine, we've got time! The castle's right up there, mister." These girls were really keen on cutting him off and not letting him get a word in. It was a bit irritating.

The blond angel pulled out her phone, typing away for a second before looking back up at him. "Yosaf, I already told Etihw we have a visitor. She's on her way."

These kids…

Somehow, that name sounded familiar. He had a feeling it was something Reficul had said. The girls were whispering while he thought ("How did another intruder get in?" "He looks weird…" "Don't get close to him Macarona."). Where had he heard that name before?

In the middle of his thinking, another figure suddenly appeared before them. "Sorry I'm late," he heard them say. "This is our guest?"

"If you couldn't tell already."

He finally looked up to see who was interrupting right as the answer came to him.

This world's god.

At once, Satanick forgot about the other girls present.

"I knew I recognized that lovely name from somewhere!" he gushed, immediately stepping forward to greet them. "It's so nice to finally meet you!"

Etihw picked up on what kind of person they were dealing with quickly. It didn't appear like he was making any direct threat, however. Just… a nuisance. They definitely didn't appreciate how touchy feeling he was trying to get so soon.

"You are…?"

"Satanick," he bowed, gesturing to himself with a proud smirk, "the devil of that tobacco addict's world." They seemed to get the point then, expression becoming more exasperated than confused. It wasn't like he could help himself-this person was _really_ cute, like, _super_ cute. "I've heard that you liked devils, don't you?"

One of the girls snickered at that, the only one who didn't seem apprehensive of the situation. "I do like my own devil, and I'd rather keep him as such," they explained uncomfortably, still trying to avoid the hand that was shaking theirs a little too long. "If you don't mind letting go of me."

He laughed as if he hadn't even noticed he was holding them, though not really letting go. "I don't mind multiples! I heard your devil is a cute guy too, isn't he? Maybe if we meet then we could-"

Etihw's grip tightened on his hand until the devil was on the ground.

"Please leave this world immediately."

Kcalb arrived moments later, only to find Etihw chatting casually with the girls-and no devil besides himself in sight. "Eti, I heard that Satanick-"

"I got it all taken care of, it wasn't any trouble," they reassured, smiling at him. He looked so concerned, scanning them up and down to make sure no trouble had been caused or harm done. It wasn't often Kcalb was worried over them. Etihw smirked. "Were you worried?"

"Why wouldn't I be?! He didn't try to hurt or do anything, right?"

They shook their head, stepping away from the girls to stand before him. "Nope, I'm all good." He seemed relieved by that, though he didn't take his eyes off of them. Etihw knew he wouldn't say anything out loud, but just that face alone made them want to embrace him.

So they did. "E-Eti…?"

"Definitely the cutest in the world."

* * *

It was amazing how quickly one could lose all respect for the devil of their world.

Kurotsuno wasn't ignorant, she had heard rumors before, but experiencing it firsthand was a different case. Satanick was too far in her business to be comfortable. His hands constantly moved from her shoulders to her arms while he spoke to her, asking if she was single, where she came from, etc.

"I'm a trustworthy guy," he reassured when he could tell she was reaching a limit, "or else I wouldn't be this world's devil, fukukun!"

"That doesn't prove anything," she grumbled, shoving his hands off of her for the umpteenth time. "I'm not looking for anyone right now, so for the last time-_stop touching me_."

To Kurotsuno's surprise, he actually complied, taking his hands back. His expression didn't let up, however, and was enough of a sign that she wasn't out of this just yet.

"You just want a girlfriend, don't you?" she asked, raising a brow and making sure to have stepped away before talking. He didn't seem as pleased to have her outside of arm's range, but he kept up.

"A girlfriend, a boyfriend, in between, it doesn't matter; I just look for anyone cute. You're very beautiful, you know?"

Kurotsuno grimaced. But as disgusting as this man was… he'd said men were alright too, hadn't he? "What if I set you up with somebody else?"

She had his attention faster than when she walked into the room.

"I know somebody who's single right now. You might like him." In her mind, she was killing two birds with one stone. She could get this _lech_ off her back, and hopefully be rid of a different nuisance as well.

Satanick hummed, giving a toothy grin. "Why is that?"

"He's cute," she immediately responded, words betraying her deadpan expression. "Extremely pathetic; he cries a lot and is very sensitive, almost like a young girl. I have his number, if you'd like..."

"Done!" He seemed rather… _excited_ about the arrangement. Kurotsuno almost felt bad for what she was doing. Almost. "What does he look like, by the way?"

There wasn't any simpler way to word this. She didn't even look up from her phone while retrieving his number to speak.

"He's my father."

* * *

"You can hold me."

It wasn't the first time he'd heard those words before, but it was the first where the subject wasn't covered in spiked armor or weapons. Instead, this girl's arms (all four of them) were wide out to accept him, looking up at the devil expectantly.

Satanick could have cried if he hadn't been so excited.

At once, he was short of breath, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before the questions came flying.

"You really mean it? It's fine to hold you?"

"Yes. I do not mind," the moth-girl replied, expression not changing from her original deadpan once.

He kept pressing. "Is there a limit? How long I can? Where I can touch, where I can hold you?"

"No. I do not mind."

This was unreal. Satanick was, undoubtedly, a bit dirty in the mind. Any and everything could become sexual upon taking the smallest step into his head, and he didn't do much to hide it. But when it came to something innocent like this, something so simple as hugging a cute girl-

He just got more excited.

Ico was still waiting by the time he snapped out of his thoughts. Leaning forward, he was expecting for her to dash away or attack him at any given moment. That's just how things worked for him. But when he finally had his arms around her-all of hers wrapped around him, two around his back, and the others around his neck.

"Fukukukun... you're a r-really nice young girl, aren't you?"

"Do you want a kiss?"

Satanick tried to pull away to look at her, or more importantly, try to act upon her offer, but her grip around him didn't let up. Now that he thought about it, she really was strong for one so small… but that was a charm point too! "I'd _love_ one?!"

Ico never responded. The silence that fell over was uncomfortable when he could hardly even grope for anything while holding her, playing his cards right so the moth wouldn't go back on her offer. She was fidgeting a little (was she nervous?) and her wings fluttered a small bit before she was moving, leaning up on her tip-toes which only brought her up to his neck. It was killing him.

Satanick was just about to ask if he could pull back to lean down for her when he felt a sharp pain on his neck, yelping from the shock more than anything. She had-bitten him?! Did moths even bite? Well, they did now, he supposed. He was just about to pull back and possibly cry a bit before he realized she was still latched onto him, or rather, _hanging from his neck_ with her teeth still in his skin.

"Ow?! Ow ow ow! Stop it, I-I'm not into that!"

Despite his cries, Ico didn't let up for a solid minute. And even then she was still clinging onto him, but felt like she was… licking the wound she made. It would've been a lot nicer if it wasn't, you know, a _wound_. Those looked better on other people. Satanick was doing his best to pull her off with all his might, finding it hard to with how inexplicably weak he was suddenly feeling.

...and that couldn't be lightheadedness due to anything pleasant.

She finally let go. He wasn't even able to say anything before she left, taking flight and rushing away from the scene just as Satanick fell limp and to the ground.

On the bright side, the bite mark she left kind of looked like a hickey. Almost.

* * *

The Gray Garden was one of the rare worlds that was truly at peace.

That being said, it wasn't as if every other was at total war and chaos-at least not _all_ the time.

Right now, Fumus wished they were.

"All I'm saying is that it's kind of, like, _totally_ unfair that everyone else has a _super_ cute god!"

God, he wished they were. But it was useless praying to god when you were one.

He'd been putting up with Satanick for an eternity. The periods they were lunging at each others' necks in battle were easier than the times they weren't, to be quite honest. Even for all the time they'd existed together, neither really knew everything about the other as one would expect. True, they knew each other's natures better than some, but perhaps it were those more casual, every day parts they never knew.

As if Fumus ever _wanted_ to know this guy.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. It was far too early to be dealing with this bumbling fool. "Pray tell _what_ you are complaining about this time?"

"You! You're the problem!" Satanick spat out, words dripping with venom as he pointed an accusing finger his way. If Fumus didn't know better, he'd have thought the devil was declaring another war. "Kcalb, Ivlis, Rosaliya, Reficul, even _Vicers_-they all have super cute gods they can enjoy-" Kcalb's the only one who does, Fumus kept himself from correcting. "-and I have _you_ instead! Where's my adorable god?! Where!"

"Not in here, so go look elsewhere and bother someone who cares!" he groaned.

Satanick fell back in his chair dramatically. He had come all the way here just to yell about this? The last time they'd seen each other in person was during the last war a century ago-but a century may as well have been just a week to them.

"Why don't you ever change your body, anyways?" the devil asked with his hands over his face, pretending to be crying. "All the other gods do it sometimes…"

Fumus sighed for the umpteenth time since his arrival. "Elux and Etihw are the only ones, Siralos just looks androgynous. I don't enjoy a female body as much. Would you switch if _you_ were comfortable in your own body?"

"Yes!" came his immediate reply, shouted as he quickly stood and slammed his hands onto the table. "I wouldn't be lonely anymore!"

"You'd settle for _yourself_!?"

It was like talking to a wall.

Fumus had to gather every last bit of strength in his body not to order one of his angels to force the man out. He knew he'd just come back after flooding him with letters and killing a few of the god's subordinates. Satanick was very particular about getting his messages heard and abided to, like a child with far too much power.

He had slumped back into his chair by now, almost laying in it with how far he had sunken down and was continuously whining over how nice it'd be to be the devil of another world ("I should be like Ivlis but smarter and kill a devil to take their world-I should kill Ivlis…"). It was getting a bit too much to listen to.

Fumus was going to regret this.

"Is this better?"

Satanick slowly lifted his head, ready to snap at his god before- His jaw dropped.

"Y-you… Fumus?!"

"It's just an example, don't get ahead of yourself."

Standing before him was a figure both familiar and rather different from anything he could have expected. It was Fumus, and both… not. He was in a female form, one Satanick had never seen him take on before. The god was just as tall as his male form (almost taller than Satanick himself) and was wearing the same clothes, unsurprisingly. However his large… assets caused his shirt to tent different behind his vest. Still retaining a mature air to him, Fumus tried to shake off some of the tension by taking another drag on his cigarette.

He wasn't Satanick's type at all.

"It's… not," he admitted bluntly, face immediately falling. He had had such high hopes as well.

Fumus cringed at the outright rejection. Even though he had gone this far… he could feel heat rising to his face. God, he'd made a fool out of himself because of this bastard once again. "You don't know how to appreciate anything, do you?" Albeit he'd only done so to get rid of him, but it was an effort nonetheless. And he'd be damned if it wasn't recognized.

But Satanick stayed silent, staring at him with a face of sheer disappointment before he seemed to have some sort of realization. "Are you saying that you did this for me?"

"What other reason would I? It's similar to trying to keep an infant from crying more."

"You did it…" A grin slowly rose to Satanick's face as he stood from his chair, "...for me?"

Fumus had realized the error in his wording. It wasn't unusual for Satanick to twist his words around, but it was never comfortable. "...of course not."

"Even though you just said so?"

Satanick was stepping closer to him now, enough for Fumus to take a few steps back. He wanted to change back to his original form soon… in a way he almost didn't feel safe like this. But when did Satanick not make him worried? He was trying his best to avoid eye contact and just not look at him in general and why did it look like Satanick was beginning to undo his shirt-"You know what I meant."

"Even though you just said so?"

He was looming dangerously close at this point. "Mind your boundaries before I forcibly-"

"Fumus," the lech purred, cutting him off. Fumus wasn't sure why he actually stopped to listen. "You know, you don't have to try hard to be cute for me…"

"I never said that I was. You're delusional."

Satanick stopped advancing, not that it really saved any room as he was already touching his shoulder and-Fumus could feel the other's unpleasant hand roaming rather _familiarly_ on his back. Before he could swat at it, the hand was removed as it and the other rose to pet his...hair? "Cuteness isn't just measured in appearance; it's much deeper than that."

Unable to stand it any longer, Fumus shoved the devil off of him, quickly reverting to his male form. "If you're going to tell me I have a cute personality or something, I don't want to hear it. You've long since overstayed your welcome."

"Wasn't aware I was welcome in the first place, but thank you for it," Satanick hummed, putting his hands up defensively as he walked away with his back to the god. "We should hang out more, Fumus. You're really not that-"

"Get out, Devil."

There wasn't any room for discussion in his voice, and Satanick had been alive long enough (in a sense that he hadn't _died_ yet) to know when to push his boundaries and when to pull back. Now was time for the latter. With as mocking of a reverent bow as he could manage, Satanick took his leave, reopening the portal he'd entered through and returning to his world below.

Fumus wasn't even aware he'd been holding his breath until he gave the longest sigh he was sure he'd had in decades. Satanick may have just added a few more wrinkles to his face from those few minutes; he wouldn't be surprised. Without an ounce of elegance, he fell back into his chair, hands covering his face to mimic darkness so he could get some sleep. He could nap for a year after that… maybe he just needed more coffee.

"Rosemary," he called, deciding he needed a refill, "bring me another cup of coffee." He deserved it.

The angel was at his office in not even a minute, tray in hand balancing only the usual coffee pot (he never used anything besides his one mug, just refilling it and suffering when it had to be cleaned). "You sound exhausted," she chided while setting the platter on his desk.

"You don't know the half of it."

With a shrug of indifference, she poured the new caffeine into his cup. "You two never get along anyways, it's impressive you were able to talk at-" Rosemary cut herself off when she turned to hand the mug to him, face becoming still.

It was hard for him not to notice. Fumus scrunched his face up in distaste for her shocked expression. "What're you looking at?"

"...sir, you know that we really do respect you, and support everything you do, however, certain relations-"

"Don't say a word more."

A grin began to rise to her face, and he could tell the angel was holding back a laugh while she lifted up the silver tray she'd brought in. Slowly, she turned it towards him, using it as a mirror so he could see himself.

And the ribbons Satanick had tied in his hair-the biggest being the devil's own bow.

Fumus had started wars with Satanick over horrible crimes and treacherous acts throughout all of history.

This was by far the most justified reason for war since their first.


End file.
